here are some band names i thought of last night before i fell asleep. feel free to use them as long as you credit me.

cracked skulls - this is good for almost any kind of band. maybe it's a little weird for a folk duo, but it's still totally works.

if you're want something a bit more aggressive for your hardcore or death metal band --

crackin' skulls.

and if, like me, you are an unrepentant fan of cephalopods --

kraken skulls.

unfortunately, if you're like me and kind of a nerd, it might bother you to think of kraken skulls, since likely krakens don't have skulls, just fearsomely-strong beak-like jaws. but i'd let it go if your band was awesome.

we were both cast forth by the same pale hands
and we both moved freely in the shadow lands
and we both were sculpted by the same cold wind
and we both had armor that was made from tin
and i tried to find you but it's useless
and i tried to speak but it's useless
and i feel bad and didn't know why
and it didn't get better as time went by
and i tried to be there when you turned away
and i tried to find you but you turned away
and i tried to find you but it's useless
and i tried to speak but it's useless
and i tried to find you but it's useless

and you're so close but i can't see you
and you're right there but i can't see you
and i feel so dumb and i don't know what to do
and you're right there but i can't see you
and i realize that it's useless
and i feel i'm right but it's useless
and i see you there but it's useless
and you're everywhere but it's useless

and i tried to say but my tongue got tied
and i tried to say it but i'm numb inside
and i can't see you anymore
and my piece of mind has gone through the door
and i realize that it's useless
and i thought i was right but it's useless
and i see you there but it's useless
and you're everywhere but it's useless.

and i can't see now in front of my nose
and i know you're there and know you're close
and you've faded away and disappeared
and i try to focus but i can't see clear
and i don't know why i feel this way
and i can't control myself anyway
and i don't know why i feel this way
and i can't control myself anyway
and i feel so bad now it's useless
and i feel so bad now it's useless
and i feel so bad now it's useless
and i feel so bad now it's useless

and i can't see in front of my face.

it's not really a colloquialism, if no one really says it, but its definition is a concept in need of a colloquialism.

it's about when you've met someone in an exciting (or dangerous) circumstance but you misinterpret your physical excitement as romantic attraction or 'chemistry'. meeting on a bridge was the exciting circumstance used when they were studying this phenomenon, though they found increased caffeine would also increase the affect.

but met on a bridge just sounds like it means that.

"i thought he was pretty cute, but we totally met on a bridge, so who knows?"

driving in queens is like backpacking in the yorkshire moors. what happens when you venture from the highway is unpredictable. if i was 17 now, i'd write a zine about all the times i've gotten lost in queens. but i never got lost there before i was 17.

oscar asked me to check out a parking lot in long island city on my way home tonight. the map said it would take 10 minutes. 40 minutes and 4 wrong turns later, i'm on the manhattan side of the queensboro.

the best thing is as you get off the bridge, it's basically set up so you can get back on going the other way, almost more easily than you can actually turn off onto 2nd ave or wherever. and i was definitely not the only person making that graceful u-turn.

i did find the parking lot 2 wrong turns and an accidentally missed it later.

that peculiar 20th century institution, corrupt in that peculiarly 20th century way, the ratings system, is now officially a mockery of itself.

Unrated is the new R. no one will buy your raunchy comedy on dvd if it's just rated R.

but being unrated means it's not rated. the implication is that this cut was given an nc-17 rating. but since nc-17 is a movie distribution death knell, the choice is made to leave it unrated, which for some reason is considered more palateable?

so in the end, the unrated version, which by nature of being unrated means there are no suggested or enforced restrictions on who gets to see the film, is made available to the kids whose mental health was supposedly in danger in the first place. but the R rated version, which is supposedly less detrimental to our youth, is not.

what was the point again?

i've actually grown to enjoy the cultural phenomenon of talking about how crazy the weather is. i find it comforting in a ritualistic sense. we don't talk about extreme weather because there's nothing else to talk about. we talk about it because talking about it eases our collective pain.

marsupials are amazing.

wombats are, as you probably know, super cute. they are also marsupials! but unlike their hopping buddies, wombat pouches face down/backwards because they are burrowers! there is nothing worse when you are riding in your mama's pouch than a face full of soil. am i right?

i just happened upon a syfy original movie i forgot to be anticipating.

they're playing the money pit on the style network. it's more understandable than playing 3 men and a baby on vh1 classic, but somehow more bizarre.

also bizarre: a facebook page dedicated to the money pit.